When your toddler only wants one parent

Having a toddler who strongly prefers one parent – especially around sleep – can be exhausting and emotionally tough. It’s frustrating for the parent being rejected, and it can also put extra pressure on the preferred parent. Most families eventually want to share bedtime responsibilities, but when a child will only settle with one parent, it can feel impossible.

The first thing to remember is that this isn’t personal. Parental preference is a normal phase that many children go through. It doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong. In fact, your child is testing the strength of your love by pushing you away. As hard as it may feel, this is actually a sign of a strong bond and trust. Try to see it as a backhanded compliment – your toddler feels safe enough with you to express big emotions.

Respond with Kindness and Reassurance

When your child says, “I don’t want you, I only want Mummy,” it can sting. But your reaction is important. Instead of showing frustration or hurt, respond with warmth: “I understand you love spending time with Mummy, and I love you.” This reassures them that your love is unconditional, no matter what they say.

Try Not to Take It Personally

It’s natural to feel upset, but try not to show it outwardly. Saying things like, “That really hurt Mummy’s feelings” can put pressure on your little one to manage your emotions, which they aren’t ready for. Instead, remind yourself that attachment preferences shift over time, and this phase will pass.

Create a Special Bedtime Routine

Make bedtime with you something your child looks forward to. Introduce a special game, a silly song, or a unique story that only happens when you’re in charge. This not only provides a positive distraction but also makes bedtime with you feel fun and exciting.

Ease the Transition Gradually

If your toddler resists bedtime with the non-preferred parent, try a gradual approach. Have both parents involved for a while – reading stories together, brushing teeth, or giving cuddles – so that when the transition happens, it doesn’t feel like such a big change.

With patience, consistency, and reassurance, parental preference will naturally fade. In the meantime, remember – you’re not alone, and this phase (along with all others!) won’t last forever!